windchimes

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I’m rubbish at beginnings,
Start in the middle and work back,
So I’ll start at “I do” and go back to “will you?”
Or maybe “hello”,
‘Cause I wanna go to all the places again,
Throw myself off the ledge again,
Just for the sheer thrill of falling.
I wanna remember it all.
I wanna remember
The night we crossed the river,
When I shivered like sodium street lights
Reflecting and collecting half-written love letters I didn’t know how to write then,
But maybe one day I might,
And knew I’d never been out of my depth before,
Never had my words ripped from my breath before.
I wanna remember the pier,
Clear skies, hair and smiles flung wide,
Kite tails that flailed and donuts on fingers.
I wanna linger there, make you reach for my sugar-frosted lips
Like you could sip fire from my skin.
I wanna remember every time you ever gave me flowers.
I wanna save every last hour of every last day
In a photo album in my head.
I wanna remember when you said I was perfect.
I’m not perfect but I’ll tie a thread around my wrist
For every time you insist I am wonderful.
I wanna remember the feeling of realising
I was exactly where I should be when you held me,
Where I wanted to be, aged fifteen,
Trying to guess what it’d mean
To be beautiful.
I never thought I’d be beautiful.
I never thought I’d be this full of sunlight and butterflies,
That I’d tie wind chimes in my hair,
So you’d always know how to get home
A home that has nothing to do with four walls and a roof.
I wanna remember the truth
In your shaking hands when I kissed you,
That very first time in the dark,
When I’d never felt so far from the scared girl I’d been, aged fifteen,
And I swear, if I coulda heard anything over the sound of my heart beat,
I woulda heard wind chimes calling.
Falling in love with you was like my feet
Finding a street that I’m sure I walked before.
I wanna remember the first time I missed you
So hard it shook any doubt from my branches,
And I knew, inside and out, I was lost in you.
I love you for the last eight years,
The fears and sleepless nights, the tears together,
That long slog up the mountain together,
For every single park-and-ice-cream walk and the six hours we talked together
The day after we met.
For every time we make love,
Not sex making a war of our bodies,
Not just lust making a mockery
Of our battle scars.
I love you for how far we’ve come,
And that the sum of my life’s achievements is us.
So yes, I wanna live my life with you,
Wanna give my life to you,
Wife and wind chimes and a home for you.
Yes, I am sold on the idea of growing old with you,
And yes, when we’re eighty,
We’ll holds hands in the street and kiss in the rain,
And your hair will fall out and mine’ll turn grey,
But mostly,
I wanna remember today.

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